Meeru, Meeru, Meeru

Hayday: Hot shower, beer, fruit & veg, satellite TV, and more beer……bloody heaven. This is simply paradise.

We arrived on Thursday night after a one hour speedboat transfer whereby Lanky fell asleep and drooled down the window. What a fantastic companion I have embarked this quest on with.

Lanky: If I’m honest with you the old fella’s constant questions about what electricity looks like, whether or not a fairy dies if you say that they don’t exist and his belief that if you run around in a circle fast enough then you can turn back time were just too much. I needed some time to myself so I smacked on Enya’s smash hit ‘Sail Away’ followed up by Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells. They took me to my calm place.

Once we arrived at the resort I could barely contain my excitement despite the fact that it was smashing it down with rain. We were led to a stunning log cabin type place on the very beach of the island itself. It had a porch, air conditioning, a television and, best of all, an outdoor bathroom. Amazing. I mean the toilet was outside, the sink was outside, the shower was outside, the towels were…

When I had returned from a full inspection of said bathroom and my first hot shower in weeks Hayday had pumped himself up for a shearing. I was more than happy to oblige since my instinctive precision and thoroughness ensured I excelled as an amateur stylist.

Hayday: Lanky kindly gave me a short haircut and had one of his blond moments and decided to shave a part of the back of my head with grade 1 rather than 4. In the true Hayden like way I acted with maturity and decided that I would seek revenge at later date. The swine. Having said that the lad did well and when his HR career goes down the pan with the inevitable sex scandal involving Phil Collins, he at least will have hairdressing to fall back on.

I think everything thinks that Lanky and I are a couple and it does not help when the baboon minces around the restaurant and plays camp.

Lanky: All I said was that ‘Jean-Paul and Pierre were coming round later for a group massage session and had he remembered to bring the baby-oil’?

Hayday: One thing that I learnt this weekend is that factor 10 sun cream does not offer that much protection when you forget to put any on your legs – really I just needed to put a tied hanky on my head to complete the British look – what a muppet.

Lanky: I would concur. While it hurts to breath such is the fiery fury of my chest at least my commitment to the long-distant tanning contest I’ve engaged in with a far inferior opponent can’t be questioned.